


Date of Birth: [REDACTED]

by ineffablesheep



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Birthday Cake, Comics Natasha is apparently as old as Steve, Crossword Puzzles, Domestic Avengers, Fluff and a light light smattering of angst, Gen, I just wanted to fuck with Natasha and her lack of concrete past, MCU she's probs in her 30s maybe idk, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Not Beta Read, POV Natasha Romanov, Post-Avengers (2012), Red Room (Marvel), Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, references to Natasha's childhood but only in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 08:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29996784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineffablesheep/pseuds/ineffablesheep
Summary: “There’s no record of it.”Natasha kept her eyes on the crossword in front of her. She didn’t hope very often; hope itself was a cruel gift that the Red Room had trained out of her and yet she couldn’t help but covet it now. That hope that Tony would understand and change the subject to whatever was ailing the toaster kept her breath in her lungs and stirred up a new wave of hope-laced desperation that he’d put her out of her misery.Thirteen across: when a vessel has been loosed from its anchorage (8)---------Since Tony can't find out when Nat's birth date or age, he'll just have to pick a random day and age each year them, won't he?
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark
Comments: 5
Kudos: 43





	Date of Birth: [REDACTED]

**Author's Note:**

> So apparently Nat in some of the comics has a serum like Steve and Bucky, and is actually part of the Lethal Pensioners Squad. Combine that with the MCU, the hell that was being raised by the Red Room, my love for a Tony & Nat friendship and some light angst and you get this - ta da!
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

It started when Tony hacked her SHIELD file – well, actually, no. It all started when after a year of everyone living in the tower together Tony realised they’d celebrated everyone’s birthday apart from Natasha’s. She hadn’t tried to hide it or anything, not exactly. In the chaos of the last couple of years – the aftermath of New York, the Mandarin, the Potomac and the ensuing hunt for Barnes and Hydra, and that was only half of it – her birthday just got lost. After each crisis another Avenger trickled into the newly renovated tower and new birthdays were subsequently added to the calendar Steve kept on the fridge. For some reason, this was his fault and his fault alone so he obviously had to throw her the best surprise birthday possible.

His first port of call was Clint. The archer had told her about their discussion afterwards during their training session because despite Tony having bribed him for his silence, Clint couldn’t keep a secret from her if he tried. That and he was an insatiable gossip like any good spy and was considerate enough to share. That night, she’d sat on the sofa in the dark with a bottle of cheap vodka and talked Jarvis into showing her the security camera footage. The screen’s light washed over her and the bottle, both empty.

“Nat’s birthday?” Clint scratched his head with an arrow tip. You’d think he’d stop doing that after the fourth time he poisoned himself with his own gear. “I don’t think we’ve ever done anything for it. She’s never said anything so I figured she just didn’t like birthdays, ya know?”

“So you don’t know when her birthday is?”

“That's not what I said! But yeah, nah, got no idea.”

“These are the blueprints for your arrow upgrades. You sure you don’t know?” Clint laughed at the blatant bribe.

“You could offer me unlimited arrows for the rest of my life and I still wouldn’t know. Sorry Tony, but I don’t think you’re going to have much luck.”

She’d never managed to find any records from the Red Room, of where she came from or her date of birth. There were immaculate notes on her training and her progress and her missions, but neither her nor the other girls’ files gave such information. There was a picture in a file that showed a girl a few years ahead of her, smiling nervously at the camera. She was thin for a child, they all were. None of them ate enough to gain that layer of baby-fat most kids have, and they were worked hard enough anything surplus went to building muscle. She could have been five or eighteen if not for the milk teeth crammed in amongst adult teeth. The girl was listed as being active duty, and later killed in action in ‘42, just before Natasha herself graduated but that meant she was born in the ‘20s. If she had a serum like зимний солдат then maybe the memory of tanks and troops in Red Square wasn’t from their history lessons and flakes of snow really had slipped between her scarf and coat and settled on the back of her neck as the men went marching past-

She didn’t wake with a hangover.

\--------- 

Clint’s lack of knowledge didn’t mean Tony had conceded defeat though. At this point Natasha was sure that SHIELD’s firewalls and encryption looked like Swiss cheese to Tony and Jarvis, a red carpet and a welcome mat even. But that would be his next port of call. If he didn’t find anything there (he wouldn’t) then he’d work his way through the alphabet agencies digitally until he reached paper. That would slow him down a little.

He would ask her eventually. Asking Natasha herself didn’t ruin the surprise since she could probably work out there was something going on. It was part of the challenge. When Natasha didn’t want to share information, getting anything out of her was like playing twenty questions with a brick wall.

\--------- 

“Okay, you know what I’ve been up to, of course you do. We both know that you know that I know that you know so, you’re killing me here Nat, when’s your birthday?” Did Tony know he needed to breathe and not just speak? You’d never guess he was missing a chunk of his lungs from the way words crowded up against each other and spilled out of him. Natasha took a steady breath in through her nose, held it for a moment, before letting it out gently. Tony wasn’t looking at her, engrossed in the toaster who was playing up again but that didn’t mean she didn’t have his full attention.

“There’s no record of it.”

Natasha kept her eyes on the crossword in front of her. She didn’t hope very often; hope itself was a cruel gift that the Red Room had trained out of her and yet she couldn’t help but covet it now. That hope that Tony would understand and change the subject to whatever was ailing the toaster kept her breath in her lungs and stirred up a new wave of hope-laced desperation that he’d put her out of her misery.

Thirteen across: when a vessel has been loosed from its anchorage (8)

“Well, it’s nearly Pop’s birthday, she’ll be a whole five months old and I don’t know what to get her.” Her breath slipped out of her and she turned to face the engineer. The toaster was open on the bench, pieces carefully catalogued and spread across the counter according to the engineer’s genius. The toaster was lime green, could take a very inconvenient two slices of bread at a time and had so far outlasted her toaster siblings by a record of three months.

“You named the toaster ‘Pop’?”

“Of course! It goes with her personality.” Natasha kept her face blank as she stared at Tony. “Okay, she doesn’t have an AI but she’s still precious and does a good job even when Thor doesn’t ground himself properly before making poptarts and she deserves a birthday present.” Beneath the blank front Natasha smothered what could have been a smile.

Eight down: Small circles forming part of a pattern (5,4)

That could be cute, she’d suggest it to Tony when Pop wasn’t in earshot. She sipped at her tea and contemplated the crossword in front of her.

“No record whatsoever, you know and don’t want to share so you hid the records, or just haven’t bothered to look?’

Fifteen across: Firmly adhering to a purpose (9)

“I have an idea for Pop though,” she nodded at the crossword left on the countertop, one clue left unfilled, and slipped out of the kitchen. Tony was too busy reassuring Pop that she’d be fixed in no time, to do more than glance at the abandoned puzzle.

\--------- 

“Happy birthday to the second scariest person in my life – Pep’s got permanent dibs on top spot sorry Incey Wincey but you,” here he dragged the word out as he juggled something behind his back, “get the gift of the coveted Second Scariest and a cupcake!” Like the world’s least subtle magician, he revealed a bright red cupcake with her hour glass in black icing and topped with ‘8’ and ‘3’ candles. The candles were already lit, which would explain the careful hold.

“I love the cupcake Tony but if you try and sing me happy birthday again, I will find a way to take Pepper’s title.” The threat wasn’t genuine, not with the way Natasha carefully took the cupcake from the grinning engineer and blew out the candles. “Thank you,” she added, and the corner of her mouth twitched up a little. Tony just waived the thanks off.

“It’s your birthday, of course you get cake. And, if you come by the workshop this afternoon, the bots have a surprise for you too. TTFN!”

Natasha leaned against the back of the couch and nibbled at the cupcake. Steve, who’d been making his morning tea snack/feast was caught staring at her. “Question, Steve?”

“Yes, no, I mean, firstly happy birthday! You should have said something, Nat. But, wasn’t it your birthday a couple of months back, in October? Clint said Tony gave you a cupcake with twenty-seven candles.”

“That’s right, Steve.”

“Yet its only January now; and he gave you a cupcake to wish you a happy eighty-fourth-”

“Eighty-third.”

“-okay right, eighty-third. And the year before that it was your sixth and before that it was your ninetieth, or so Tony says. So, what’s the joke?”

“No joke here Steve, just a birthday cupcake.”

\--------- 

For Pop’s first birthday, Natasha gave the green and white toaster two across: sight for a craft project (5, 5)

**Author's Note:**

> Tony "Gift giving and acts of service are my love languages" Stark: Must. Mother. Everyone. In. This. Tower. Dammit  
> Nat: what's a birthday?  
> Tony: *distressed mother pterodactyl shrieking*
> 
> Crossword answers:  
> o Thirteen across: when a vessel has been loosed from its anchorage (8) UNMOORED  
> o Eight down: Small circles forming part of a pattern (5,4) POLKA DOTS  
> o Fifteen across: Firmly adhering to a purpose (9) OBSTINATE  
> o Two across: sight for a craft project (5, 5) GOOGLY EYES
> 
> Another fic I've had sitting half finished in my drafts. I love Nat, anything that happened to her past CACW is a lie and shall not be taken into consideration and I want to give her nice things. In this case, it was Tony who decided to be absolutely ridiculous
> 
> Comments and kudos are always treasured,  
> Sheep x


End file.
